FireLink

So...I just want some advice and/or suggestions:

My boyfriend is a career Firefighter/Paramedic and he also volunteers at a local department. I'm a Dispatcher (Police, Fire, EMS) and I work with a ton of Firefighters, Police Officers, Paramedics, and have for several years now. I've never dated anyone in Public Safety until now...and I don't know if this is common or what, but here it is:

I have no worries at his FD, because they're all male and in an industrial/hazmat environment that has the nickname of "Shawshank," but his VFD began an Explorer program a few months ago, and there happens to be an 18-year old female in the Explorers who is literally on the verge of seriously pissing me off. My b/f swears she is just some dumb little girl who is looking for someone to confide in and talk about all of her "problems." She calls and emails my b/f, and I've already told him that I don't like it and it needs to stop.

Since I told him that it needed to stop *to my knowledge* the calls and emails have ceased, but every time he goes to a VFD meeting he talks to her and it really bothers me. He put into join another VFD that is part of a career FD, and swears once the paperwork is done he's going to be out of the old VFD...but it still hasn't happened. And he claims he's just "helping out" at the other VFD and all of this other crap, yet every time I turn around, he slips up and says something about this chick and it seriously bothers me. Any suggestions?

I'm not the type that's insecure or clingy or any of that crap, but this is the first time I've dated a FireMedic and I know how girls are when you say the word, "Firefighter" it's almost like their eyes light up or something. We've been at a restaurant and a waitress apparently overheard our conversation, came up to our table, and says, "So, you're a Firefighter?" - I couldn't believe anyone would have the balls to do that and I've NEVER had that happen when I've dated other people.

He attracted me because he's nice, attractive, and we have things in common...NOT BECAUSE HE HAS TURNOUT GEAR!

How hard is that to understand?

The one thing that has ALWAYS turned me off about Police and Fire is that their EGO's are SO BIG you can't seem to get passed that.

So many people think, "Oh, you're just dating him because he's a Firefighter" ...bullsh*t. I couldn't careless if he was a garbage collector, and quite frankly I think it would be a helluva lot easier if he wasn't a FireMedic.

I'm not a jealous person, never have been, never had a problem getting a date, and hopefully never will. I am a very confident person and I'm not "worried" that he'll "cheat" on me. What bothers me is the fact that I've already told him to cut it out, now it's coming time for the "or else." And I'll be gone, plain and simple.

If a grown man wants to get his ego inflated by some little girl who thinks it's cute to ride in the big red truck, not realizing this isn't a game, then I don't need that...and I'm better than that.

I have had Police Officer's and other Firefighters hit on me - I joke with them and ignore it and make VERY CLEAR that I am seeing someone. I do not continue to talk to them in "that" way, nor do I lead them on, or anything of the nature.

We're also a fairly young couple and I am fiesty,

uh oh...someones jealous?

Why should anyone have to answer for their opinion? Serious question, not trying to offend. If an opinion is asked for, then given, why answer for it? After all, it is just their opinion, not gospel.

Be careful if you choose to talk to his guys...

#1 - You run the risk of appearing to them as a 'drama queen'... A lot of guys jump to that opinion when any female expresses any kind of opposition or questioning to any of their ideas, words or actions.  While your concerns may be warranted, being labeled will not help in your career - Fire/Police/EMS/Dispatching is one of the biggest 'small world's out there... It may not be right, but it can be a real issue.

#2 - If you choose to go this route, be mindful of who you ask.  If you don't know ANY of these guys well, I'd stay clear.  While what the previous poster said about them possibly having interest in HER may be true, you have to recognize that there could also be interest in YOU, or in just causing HIM problems.  They may tell their honest opinions - which may be skewed in any direction based on personal motives.  But they can also feed you a bunch of BS to try to start whatever kind of trouble benefits them most.

#3 - You also run the risk of causing more trouble for yourself.  If your guy has already told you not to worry, and you go in asking his buddies - when he finds out, and HE WILL - you may end up widening the gap thats already begun between the two of you.

All that being said, there's something about female intuition that is hard to ignore.  Most of the time a girl goes with her gut, she's proven right...  I hope thats not what happens in your case, but if it is, there's someone better out there for you!

Okay...Look obviously you dont trust this guy or you wouldn't worry about this little girl (and thats what she is, remember that! Also remember your not one!) If shes on the FD for the right reasons then its not fair to look at her any different than you would one of the guys calling him. Shes a fellow firefighter! As long as her calls or emails are respectful of your relationship then why does it matter? You CAN NOT have a relationship with out trust!!!! Plus your not his momma, you cannot expect to tell him who he can and can not talk to. If you do that to a man they will end up thinking "well she already treats me like I do it, might as well enjoy myself..." I'm telling you that if you wanna keep a relationship then you better back off and not give him hell until he gives you a reason to.

Second off I am a female Firefighter/medic and i will say over the course of my career I have had many wives / girlfriends either not like me, or give me a hard time just because I happen to be around their husband, or because I had to call him for something, or train with him, or be his partner...and Its bull shit. I know I personally I have wanted this job since I was 4 years old and I'm damn good at what I do. It has been a long hard road full of men treating me like I shouldn't be here and women being jealous that I am...but I've made it. This girl, (whos starting out the same way I did) if shes in it for the right reasons, is going to have to go through the same things! You can make it easier or harder on her by how you handle this...but don't automatically assume that shes there to screw your "bf"! It's unfair and childish! Right now shes trying to find a friend on the FD because as a female when you first start you have to work double hard to earn your place...You have to have that person to help you get through it that understands and can give advice. Maybe If you go try to be around her a little you'll figure her out...if shes a badge bunny sit her down and have a talk...if not treat her well because you never know when she might be the one helping save you or have your BF's back in a fire! Remember that!

I hate anonymous ~ medicchick4123

Anonymous says ...

Anonymous says ...

Okay...Look obviously you dont trust this guy or you wouldn't worry about this little girl (and thats what she is, remember that! Also remember your not one!) If shes on the FD for the right reasons then its not fair to look at her any different than you would one of the guys calling him. Shes a fellow firefighter! As long as her calls or emails are respectful of your relationship then why does it matter? You CAN NOT have a relationship with out trust!!!! Plus your not his momma, you cannot expect to tell him who he can and can not talk to. If you do that to a man they will end up thinking "well she already treats me like I do it, might as well enjoy myself..." I'm telling you that if you wanna keep a relationship then you better back off and not give him hell until he gives you a reason to.

Second off I am a female Firefighter/medic and i will say over the course of my career I have had many wives / girlfriends either not like me, or give me a hard time just because I happen to be around their husband, or because I had to call him for something, or train with him, or be his partner...and Its bull shit. I know I personally I have wanted this job since I was 4 years old and I'm damn good at what I do. It has been a long hard road full of men treating me like I shouldn't be here and women being jealous that I am...but I've made it. This girl, (whos starting out the same way I did) if shes in it for the right reasons, is going to have to go through the same things! You can make it easier or harder on her by how you handle this...but don't automatically assume that shes there to screw your "bf"! It's unfair and childish! Right now shes trying to find a friend on the FD because as a female when you first start you have to work double hard to earn your place...You have to have that person to help you get through it that understands and can give advice. Maybe If you go try to be around her a little you'll figure her out...if shes a badge bunny sit her down and have a talk...if not treat her well because you never know when she might be the one helping save you or have your BF's back in a fire! Remember that!

I hate anonymous ~ medicchick4123

I have to agree 100% with medicchick4123. My wife is a FF on the same dept and yeah there are times where the guys will say dirty things to her but I know that it is all joking and none of it is serious. Everyone on my dept has messed with eachothers wives and GF's not in a dirty way but in a joking way like i just mentioned. But Like Medicchick4123 said, You have to have trust or otherwise a relationship wont work. I trust my wife and all my guys... Now if this chick is messing with you guy then you shouldnt have anything to worry about if you trust him, but if not then you need to straight up ask him what the deal is and if it turns out something is going on, then just move on and find yourself another guy. There's other FFs out there and tho you may thing he is the one, just keep that in mind. But I wouldnt stress over it, just see what happens and if it doesnt work out then move on.... Just remember alot of us have been in your shoes or know someone who has, we're here to help you.

by the way USMCFF413