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Firefighter's Words

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Kurt Kamm

Kurt Kamm is a writer who spent two years in the wildland firefighter camps and female inmate fire camps of Los Angeles County Fire Department. He interviewed firefighters, helicopter pilots, paramedics and traumatic stress counselors while writing his story, One Foot in the Black. His column, "Firefighter's Words" is a compilation of true stories that were submitted to Kurt's blog from real firefighters.
Kurt Kamm has lived in Malibu for several years with his wife and three dogs. He was previously a Wall Street executive and semi- professional bicycle racer. He is Vice Chairman of the UCLA/Jonsson Comprehensive Cancer Center Foundation and an avid supporter of the Wildland Firefighter Foundation.
One of the fires in Malibu, the 80 mile-per-hour Santa Ana wind-driven Canyon Fire, burned to his front door and destroyed the homes of several neighbors. Mr. Kamm said the lessons he learned from L.A. County Fire Department while writing this book helped him save his home.
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More articles from this author:

• Rappelling into Hell: Helitack Firefighters
• Diving into the Fire: The Life of a Smokejumper
• Firefighter's Words: Haunting Memories

Here is to the past.

I toast to you who are gone. Everything has changed since you left. Would you be proud of me today or ashamed? I wonder.

You always expected the best from me and I have tried to do that. I always admired you and looked to you for guidance. Without you in my life I wander for years in darkness placing blame instead of thanking him that you were no longer in pain.

I wish you was still here cause I wonder what you would say to me. I miss you warming smile and your loving heart. I didn’t get to see you but for short few years of my life. Yet when I think and talk of you I remember the good things.

You always had a smile and I never once saw you cry. Even when the time I saw you, you laughed and it made all of us happy to see that before your last breathes.

You are my hero in life you gave your all in everything no matter what it was. You lived a long and amazing life. In a way I am pleased that you are at rest now no longer in pain no longer worrying about things in this world.

I hope to see one day. In fact I look forward to it and when I do I’ll give you hug cause it may be many more years before we see each other again. Until then I will keep you in my heart and remember as you were.